Fall Apart
by PurpleStar1985
Summary: What happens when the tough front of a soldier breaks? Neo comforts a distraught Trinity after Cypher's betrayal.


Title: Fall Apart – Night One

Author: Angel Of Darkness 4585

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from the Matrix films; they are the property of the Wachowski Brothers. All I own is the plot of the story.

Spoilers: The Matrix. 

Summary: What happens when the tough front of a soldier breaks? Neo comforts a distraught Trinity following Cypher's betrayal.

Author's notes: This is night 1 of 'The 180 nights of Neo and Trinity' over at the Hardline. A project to write every night between The Matrix and Reloaded. This is my take on their first night. No smut, just a lot of talking, that's why the rating is so low.

I hope to have got this in character, then again, I'm trying to write a distraught Trinity, and so she may be OOC. Please don't flame me about this. I would appreciate any other feedback though. Thanks!

I would like to thank my betas – Silvered, Desdemona and Trin_ttlg. Thank you!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Telling Neo how she felt had been one of the hardest things Trinity had had to do in the 12 years she had been out. She was so used to presenting a cold, unfeeling front, that to tell someone her real feelings had been like listening to someone else saying those things. It was almost as if she were watching from above. She'd heard herself saying those things, and some part of her was screaming at her not to do it.

_You'll never be taken seriously again. Love is a weakness. You'll lose your reputation._

She'd already shown her feelings once today anyway, although not through choice, she told herself. She'd felt her eyes get hot, get wet with tears, when Cypher was talking about Neo. 

_He's going to kill Neo. _The realization had hit her as she listened to the voice. _He can't. He mustn't. _Trinity had no way to stop Cypher doing it, he was determined. Short of begging, there was nothing to be done. Trinity turned to Neo, her terrified eyes looking at his face.

It had taken Trinity every ounce of her strength to keep those tears in.__

She also didn't want to mourn her friends in that way. Not in the Matrix. Maybe when she got back to the ship, although she doubted she would. She'd never cried, not since she became a soldier anyway. She bottled her feelings up. Trinity could remember many times in the Matrix when she'd cried. Times when she'd fallen over, hurt herself, felt sad, or had an argument with a friend.

That had all changed though, when she was unplugged. She had only ever cried once; a few days after she had been unplugged. She had felt homesick, although she understood that 'home' wasn't real. She knew her family had been real though, and she missed them. She'd allowed herself to cry for them just once, the she wouldn't again. There wasn't time to be emotional. Ever since that day, she had kept her feelings inside. Until now. She lost her composure for just a second. She'd let her feelings take over.

Suddenly, through the phone, she'd heard something, a faint voice, not Cypher. He'd just been saying about s_ome kind of miracle to stop me, _hadn't he? And it had happened. Cypher had been erased, eradicated.

The next few events were suddenly a blur in her mind, everything until the hallway, the agents. Then, she was pouring her heart out. Everything she'd felt since Neo had arrived on the Nebuchadnezzar had come flooding out of her mouth. She couldn't lose him. So, she had told him exactly how she felt.

"I love you. You hear me?" She knew he could hear every word. She'd felt herself being drawn towards his face, and feeling the need to kiss him, which she did, tenderly placing her lips upon his, and kissing him, trying to put life back into the man she loved. It had been so long since she'd kissed anyone, but it seemed she hadn't forgotten how. Neo was suddenly breathing again, living again. Trinity felt a strange emotion within herself, joy perhaps. It had been so long since she'd felt truly happy, she'd almost forgotten what it felt like.

Trinity watched Smith's destruction, hoping that was the end of him. She was still standing next to Neo; she didn't want to leave him. They heard the hull breach, the screaming of metal as their ship was torn open. Trinity heard herself cry Neo's name and somehow he heard her. Racing into room 303, he picked up the telephone. The EMP was blown at just the right time, although Morpheus and Tank didn't know that. They didn't know if their newest crewmember had gotten out in time, but Trinity knew, even before she looked at his face. She pulled herself slightly upright from where she'd been shielding Neo. She looked at his face, knowing he would be there. 

Nervous sky blue eyes met a hopeful chocolate brown pair. Trinity felt his hand on the back of her neck, pulling her down towards him. Two pairs of lips met in a kiss, and a feeling of peace spread through two bodies. They almost jumped apart when they heard their captain clearing his throat. Both wore the expression of a teenager being caught doing something they should not. Morpheus almost chuckled, and then composed himself and spoke.

"I need you to help me move Tank to the medical bay. We need to dress this wound."

The three of them were able to get Tank to the medical bay without further injury. Morpheus injected Tank with some painkillers, and considered giving him a sedative, but decided against it. The painkillers were strong enough for now. Trinity was getting antiseptic, and preparing to treat the large wound in Tank's side. As Neo watched what was happening, he felt as if he was in the way. He didn't know what to do. He hadn't yet had any medical programs uploaded. Trinity noticed him, standing in the doorway hugging himself. Through cold or through uncertainty she wasn't sure.

"Neo." He heard his name, and looked towards Trinity. "I need you to hold this in place for me." She indicated towards the large piece of cloth she was holding to Tank's side, stopping the bloodflow. Neo did so, feeling slightly less helpless. It took about half an hour to finish dressing Tank's injury. They left him sleeping in the medical bay, having given him a very light sedative. Trinity, upon seeing Morpheus' face, knew what they had to do next. There were five bodies they had to move. 

There was a room, near to the Core, that was reserved for any person who died in the Matrix. Before that moment, it was empty, but within 15 minutes, there were four people in it. Neo witnessed a very different side to Trinity, a caring, almost maternal side as she crouched beside her friends, her family, whispering to each one in turn. Neo didn't know what to say to them, he settled for just saying goodbye in his head. He didn't know if he should really be listening to what Trinity was whispering, but a part of him wanted to see even further beneath her tough exterior, so he did.

"Sleep tight Mouse, I'll miss you."

"Switch, my sister, I'll see you again."

"Goodbye Dozer, please don't take Tank from us yet." 

"Apoc, take care of my sister, I know she loves you."

Trinity got up from her squatting position, and walked towards the door, where Neo was standing. After closing it, they walked back to the core, and found Morpheus standing near a wall, looking at a pair of feet. Trinity felt a surge of anger, and strode purposefully over to the still form of Cypher. She lifted a foot, as if to kick him, but paused when Morpheus spoke.

"Trinity." That tone always made her stop. It wasn't an orderly tone, yet it conveyed a sense of firmness. "Respect the dead."

"What did that traitor do to deserve respect? I'll respect the four crewmembers lying in that room, but I refuse to respect the man who killed them." She put her foot back on the floor though.

"Where are we going to put him?" There was nowhere else for them to put Cypher's body but in the same room as the people he had betrayed. Trinity looked at Morpheus as he asked his question, anger bubbling up inside her.

"For all I care," Trinity spat, her eyes burning with rage, "You can throw him off the ship." With that, she turned on her heel and left.

Neo and Morpheus had no choice but to put Cypher into the small, dark room with the others, although they made sure they set him into a dull corner, away from the rest.

"Go and get some sleep Neo, you look exhausted." Neo obeyed, and made his way slowly back to his room. 

*~*~*~*~*

An hour passed and Neo still couldn't sleep. He could hear Trinity tossing and turning in her room next door. As he listened, he wondered if she was having the same trouble sleeping as he was. He was unable to stop himself pulling his blanket around his shoulders and going to her door.

At first, Trinity thought she was imagining the knocking; it was so quiet, hesitant. She listened harder, and realised it wasn't in her mind, someone was outside her door.

"Who is it?" Her voice sounded anxious, she was hoping it wasn't Morpheus with bad news. The door creaked as it opened, and Neo poked his head into the room.

"Can I come in? I can't sleep." The way in which he said it reminded Trinity of her three year old self, wandering into her parents' room in the early hours of the morning, unable to sleep. He pushed the door open some more, and crept into the room at her nod. She was sitting, blanket pulled around her, with her back pressed against the cold surface of the wall. Just as he had sat, a few days ago, when Tank had opened his door, and found him awake after a night of no sleep.

Neo walked over to the bed, and assumed the same sitting position, next to Trinity.

"You want to talk?" She shook her head. He tried again. "It can help you know."

"I've known some of those people for years." Her tone was quiet, subdued. There were no more words, at least, not for the moment.

"Trinity." Nothing. "Trinity, please look at me." She turned to face him, and he looked deep into her eyes, and saw the tears and the pain she'd kept locked up for years. "There is nobody here but me, and you know I love you, and I will do everything I can to keep you safe." She was a little surprised to hear such a large speech come from Neo. He still hadn't finished though.

"You're allowed to cry. You don't have to be strong all the time" There was a slight uncertainty in his whispering voice. He didn't want to make her angry by pressing the issue.

Trinity wasn't sure she could cry. She wanted to, his eyes looked so pleading, and his speech had been loving, but she was so used to having her emotions locked up inside, she didn't know if tears would come. She knew she should, but it was so difficult. Neo saw all of this in her expression, and reassured her.

"Why don't you tell me about them? I haven't been out long enough to have known them like you have."

Trinity thought about her friends, the only family she had, and tried to put the thoughts into words.

"Well, I was unplugged about 12 years ago, onto this ship, but to a different captain - Blade. Morpheus held the second in command position then, although he became captain when Blade was killed. We had four crewmembers when I was unplugged, like we have now. Captain, the second-in-command, the operator, and me. Then Blade was killed, in the Matrix, doing what he loved most, and we became a crew of three. We had to go back to Zion so Morpheus could officially become Captain, then we came back out in a day or so. Morpheus wanted to start unplugging people as soon as possible, so we spent a lot of time watching potentials."

"Switch was the first one to be unplugged. She seemed to just accept this new world as if she'd been living here her whole life. She'd had a really bad childhood, that's why I think she'd been looking for some answers, to prove to herself there was more to life than just being beaten up all the time."

Trinity paused for a second, thinking. "Apoc was next, about eight years ago. Switch and I had become close by then. We teased each other sometimes, but we were almost like sisters. Morpheus had been to see the Oracle by then, and he was wrapped up in finding the One. We needed someone else on board to help us. I can't remember why Apoc wanted out, I think he was like you, he knew something was wrong with the world, but he wasn't sure what."

Neo watched Trinity as she described these events to him. He could watch her for hours. Her face darkened suddenly, and she carried on talking.

"Cypher was unplugged next, about six years after me. I didn't [T1] like him right from the start. I had to go and meet him, just like I did with you. But, whereas you just looked confused, he was almost slobbering over me. He was exactly the same when he was unplugged, just leering all the time. At me, at Switch, at any woman in Zion whenever we went back there. But he was good at what he did, that's why we kept him I think."

Trinity's face softened again. She'd moved slightly closer to Neo by then, and he was contemplating putting an arm around her. She looked at his curious face, and was slightly puzzled, but carried on telling him about her friends. 

"Dozer and Tank came on board from Zion about three years ago, we'd been managing fine until then, but then our operator became ill, and with there being so many people on board, we needed extra medical help. Tank had never operated another ship before, but he'd had lots of training. He and Dozer were always so close."

"Then, about nine, maybe ten months ago, we unplugged Mouse. We'd been watching him for the best part of a year, and the skill he had with computers was amazing. Between us unplugging Cypher and Mouse, technology had moved on a lot. He hadn't been out very long when he designed the Agent Training program. He really believed in you. It wasn't just that he wanted to, he really did. Everyone else was still unsure, some of them thought Morpheus was crazy, but Mouse believed." Trinity's voice was wavering slightly; she was slowly beginning to mourn her friends. Neo reached out a hand, took her fingers, and squeezed them slightly.

"Now, they're all gone, except for Tank, who I doubt will make it through. If he does it'll be a miracle." Trinity's voice had now gone up, it was higher, and she sounded incredibly close to tears.

Neo looked at her, he felt so much pity for her, she'd lost almost her whole family in one day. She needed desperately to cry, and he had to tell her she could, otherwise he doubted she would.

"Trinity. It's ok. No one will think any less of you for crying. I won't tell anyone. You need to cry, to let it out."

It was said with just enough conviction, and so much love, to push her over the edge. Neo watched her eyes fill with tears, watched as her face crumpled and she buried her head in his shoulder. He put his arms around her, feeling her body shake with the force of her grief. He didn't know it, but she wasn't just crying for Switch, Apoc, Dozer and Mouse. She was crying for everyone else that had been unplugged, the ones she hadn't told Neo about, all the people they thought might become the 'One', all the ones who had failed. Neo reached his hand up, and stroked her hair, soothing her.

She cried for a good half an hour, at least, before lifting her head from his shoulder. Neo looked at her eyes, and, while he still saw pain, he saw less of it. Her eyes were red, and her face was slightly blotchy from crying, and he still thought she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. She also looked very sleepy. Neo moved to lay her down, and he covered her with the blanket. She looked up at him, and uttered one word.

"Stay." She was scared of what his reaction would be, scared of him saying no.

He looked at her, slightly confused, but perched on the edge of the bed anyway. He unbuckled his boots, and lay down beside her, pulling his blanket over hers, and making sure that they were both covered. Trinity surprised him by laying her head on his chest, and he wrapped an arm around her slim waist.

That was how Morpheus found them almost nine hours later. He became worried when neither of them showed up for breakfast, and went to their rooms. He knew they had both been tired, but neither of them had ever missed breakfast.

He received no answer at Neo's door, and the same at Trinity's. He opened the door to her room as quietly as possible, and peered around the door. Morpheus looked at them, thinking about what the future would hold for the couple. No-one knew how long anyone had in this world. Some lived for many years, others only got a couple of months. He knew they would cherish whatever time they had together. Morpheus remembered the looks on both of their faces when they were standing on the government building the day before. If they hadn't had to get back to the ship, he might not have intervened. They felt for each other, but neither one would admit it. It took Neo's death before Trinity would admit how she really felt.

Morpheus jumped at a hand on his shoulder. 

"You shouldn't be up, Tank." He admonished his operator sternly. Tank looked at him, and spoke quietly.

"I feel much better. It doesn't hurt half as badly as yesterday. What are we looking at anyway?" There was a slightly cheeky element to his voice, but it was neither rude nor disrespectful. Morpheus moved aside, and Tank peered around the door at the slumbering pair. He couldn't help but grin. He didn't think he'd ever seen Trinity look this peaceful. It was nice. The captain and operator left Neo and Trinity sleeping, and headed back to the Core to begin repair work and establish contact with another ship. Hopefully they'd be back in Zion by that evening, and the ship could be repaired.

Neo awoke, slowly, and looked at Trinity's sleeping face. He bent his head to place a kiss on her forehead, and got a shock when he looked back at her face and her eyes were open.

"Good morning." Neo spoke first, aware that it may be awkward this morning, for both of them. But his worries were unfounded. He saw Trinity smile, a slightly sad smile, but a smile no less.

"Morning yourself. How long did we sleep?"

"No idea. I think we missed breakfast though." Neo grinned at her; they both felt a lot better that day, although they were obviously still upset at the events that had happened the day before. They both got up and washed, before they headed down to the med. bay to see if Tank was awake.

Trinity's light heart fell as the looked into the medical bay, and saw an empty bed. She looked at Neo, and he saw the same look in her eyes that she had had yesterday. She looked haunted. 

"Neo...He's gone, the bed's empty. What if...?" Neo cut her off.

"Morpheus would have woken us up if the worst had happened, maybe he's been moved."

A voice behind them startled them. "Who's been moved where?"

Trinity whirled round, and flew at Tank. He wasn't sure if she was going to hit him or hug him. He was pleased when she did the latter.

Neo looked at Tank, and asked how he was. "Much better than yesterday. You?"

"Yeah, I'm ok. Where's Morpheus?"

"Trying to make contact with another ship, to get us powered up and back to Zion for repairs. Come on, he said you had to go to the Core when I found you."

With that, three of the four remaining crewmembers made their way to the Core, to help get them, and the ship, back home to Zion.

* * *

[T1]I'd omit the "really". I think it somewhat clashes with the "right from the start", which needs something stronger. ("I didn't like him" has much more force that "I didn't really like him")


End file.
